Out of the Gloom
by NettieC
Summary: Written for the January 2013 HBX Challenge. Both Harm and Mac have a dose of melancholy, what do they need to overcome it?


**Out of the Gloom**

Catherine Gale: _**I don't like working in the dark like this.**_

Season 8 - _Need to Know_

HBX January 2013

Usual disclaimers.

The power had been out for over an hour and Harm was fixing a leaking pipe by torchlight.

"Son of a ..." he muttered before a knock at the door interrupted him.

Wiping his hands on the blue towel draped over his shoulder, Harm navigated his way through his darkened loft.

"Harm, it's me!" came Mac's voice, muted by the wooden door.

"Hey, Mac," he replied, opening the door. "I wasn't expecting to see you tonight."

"I know," she replied, "I wasn't expecting to be here either."

"Can I take your jacket?" he asked but Mac shook her head.

"No, thanks, I won't stay," she said. "I just came by to give you this file. It must have gotten mixed up with mine at the briefing this afternoon. I thought you might need it."

"Without power, I won't be doing any work tonight," he replied taking the file from her.

"The outage is only on your side of the street," she noted, moving to the window and looking at the bright street lights on the opposite pavement.

"Hmph," he muttered. "Just my luck."

Knowing things had been a little tense between them of late, Mac didn't respond to his comment, instead turning to face his kitchenette. "Looks like you've got other issues to address anyway."

"Yeah," he said with a sigh. "The cold water faucet decided it was the perfect time to play up."

"Need a hand?" she asked and his first impulse was to say no, but he reconsidered quickly.

"Well, if you have the time, I wouldn't mind if you held the torch for me. I'm having trouble working in the dark like this," he said making his way back to the bench and picking up the torch before handing it to her. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," she replied. "Just tell me where to point it."

Placing his hand on hers, Harm guided the stream of light to where it was most needed. "Just there," he said, ignoring the sparks generated by the touch of their hands.

For the next ten minutes, Mac held onto the torch as Harm repaired the faucet. Little was said between the pair and Mac spent the time watching Harm. Rather than watch his hands work, Mac looked at the profile of his face. He had gotten older since she'd last really looked at him. There were more strands of grey around his temple than she'd expected to see. The lines from his eyes seemed deeper, though she was willing to concede the light and shadows cast by the torch may have accentuated things. In her study of him, Mac also noted that Harm looked tired. Not the end-of-day tiredness but a weariness. The few times he had looked her way, she hadn't seen any hint of a smile.

"There!" Harm said, dropping the wrench into his toolbox. "That should fix it." Taking the torch from Mac he focused the beam on the area he had been working to double check that there was nothing dripping.

"Well done," Mac replied, slipping her hands into her jeans back pockets just to give them something to do.

"Yeah," he replied with a nod. "Thanks! I'd...ah...offer you a coffee but there's no pow..." he started before the loft lights flickered and returned to life. "As I was saying...the power's back, can I offer you a coffee? Tea?"

"No, thanks," she replied, with a brief shake of her head. "I should get going and leave you to your..."

"Mac," he interrupted her. "At one time we used to have coffee whenever we could...coffee, dinner, movies... Do you know how long it has been since we had a cup of coffee together?" he asked, tired of many things in his life, especially the distance between himself and Mac.

"47 days," she replied without hesitation. "It's been 47 days since our last coffee together."

Harm smiled wearily and nodded. "Guess you've been aware of this problem too," he said, using his left hand to indicate the two of them.

"Guess I have," she replied. "I don't really understand it but I am definitely aware things haven't been easy between us."

Harm quirked an eyebrow. "You don't know why there's this tension between us?" he questioned, his full attention now focused on her.

"I can't say I do," she replied with a shake of her head. "Do you?" Harm said nothing but continued to stare at her. "Harm?"

"You really don't know?" he asked her.

"I really don't," she confirmed. "Do you?" she repeated.

"No," he said with a shrug. "I have no idea."

For a few moments they stood looking at each other before Mac spoke.

"We haven't been really talking or getting along for a month and a half now and neither of us knows why," she reiterated.

"Seems like that's the case," Harm said. "Kinda sad, isn't it?"

"It is," Mac agreed. "But the sadder thing is that neither of us questioned it."

Harm nodded slowly; Mac was right that was a very sad thing indeed. For two people who had seemed destined to be soul mates, who had a powerful connection and an amazing chemistry to just accept the distance between them was heartbreakingly sad.

"Why do you think that is?" Harm asked and this time Mac shrugged. "Mac?"

"Truth?" she asked and Harm nodded. "I think it's something that has happened so often we just accept that we can be the best of friends and the worst of enemies...or maybe the best of enemies and the worst of friends. Do you think that might be it?"

"It may," he concurred. "It may also be that we're both just tired and feeling disconnected...from everything ...from each other...I know I am. You?"

"Yeah," she said with a sigh. "I guess I am. The last few cases, the travelling, the weather, the flu I had, have probably taken a bigger toll than I expected ...or than I admitted to."

"With me, it's not just us though...I seem to have this ambivalence towards everything. Haven't gone for a run in weeks, haven't been to the gym since last month some time, haven't picked up the guitar since Christmas ...I just can't...I don't know..."

"I got home from my last investigation two weeks ago and my mail is still sitting unopened on the kitchen bench, I have a ton of unopened personal emails and messages, and last weekend I didn't even bother getting dressed," she said sadly.

"Sounds like we both have a serious dose of melancholy," he said, reaching out and pushing a few lose strands of hair back behind her ear.

"It does," she said, leaning in to his touch ever so slightly. "Got a remedy?"

"You," he said with a sigh.

"No, if I had a remedy I would have tried it by now," she said, shaking her head.

"No," he admonished gently. "You. I am 99% sure that you are the answer to my melancholy. You."

"Ohh," she said slowly. "I thought I was part of the cause of it."

"Yeah, you probably are," he agreed with a nod. "But time with you usually does wonderful things to my mood."

Mac smiled. "Time with you generally boosts my mood too...well, time when we're in a good place."

Harm grinned. Already he felt better than he had in a while.

"I know it's getting late and it's a 'school night'," Mac said, "But, if the offer's still good, I'd love a cup of coffee now."

"The offer is definitely still good," he said, taking her arm and leading her to the sofa. "And, for future reference, you are always welcome – no matter how late or what day it is."

When the coffee was ready, the pair sat at either end of the sofa, reclining more on its arms than its back. Stilted at first, the conversation soon flowed after the more mundane things such as the weather and recent traffic issues had been discussed. Neither ventured into anything in too deep, the topics staying casual and neutral; Mac had asked about Mattie and his parents, Harm, in turn, had asked about Chloe. Harm had asked about Mac's dinosaur bones and she had asked about the Stearman. All in all it had been a good way to spend a few hours and both were happy to see the friendliness had returned between them.

One coffee, two hot chocolates, an assortment of cookies later, Mac stood up from Harm's sofa. "It's definitely very late now," she said and Harm glanced to the wall clock which proclaimed it was 2:17. "But I have really enjoyed the past few hours – thank you."

"You are more than welcome," he replied. "But I should be thanking you."

"Why?" she asked as he helped her slip her coat on.

"Because in just a few hours you've managed to cast a light into the gloom in which I had been living," he said, pulling the lapels on her coat together.

"And you've done the same for me," she replied, resting her hands over his. "Perhaps this is something we should do more often."

"Oh, I think it definitely is," he replied, pulling her closer to him. "Can we start with dinner?"

"Tonight?" she questioned.

"Yes, tonight," he confirmed. "That is if you don't already have plans."

"My only plans revolved around Ben & Jerry and whatever's on TV," she said, her hands still covering his.

"Ice cream? In this weather?" he asked. "Really?"

"Really," she said. "It's very good for the blues in any weather."

"Fair enough," he conceded; everyone coped with down times in their own way.

"So, dinner tonight would be good," she confirmed. "Did you have anywhere in mind?"

"Your choice," he replied, his gaze locked on her.

"You could come over to my place," she suggested. "We could order in, watch a movie..."

"Sounds great," he said, preferring to spend the evening alone with Mac than in some restaurant.

"Great," she concurred and then sighed. "Now, I need to go..."

"I'll walk you down," he said, his hands still on her lapels.

"Well, to do that, you'll have to let me go first," she reminded him and Harm smiled.

"I could do that," he said with a nod, "But if you'll look down you'll see your hands are still firmly clasped on mine."

"Oops," Mac said with a grin, and a slight blush, before retracting her hands.

"Let's get you home," he said, slipping his hand into hers as he grabbed his keys with the other.

Resisting the temptation to kiss Mac goodnight as she stood next to her car with the door open, Harm brushed some hair behind her left ear and reiterated their plans for later that night.

"I'll be out at Andrews this afternoon," he said, "But I should be back before 1800."

"Well, I'm spending the morning at The Pentagon," she replied. "So, I guess I won't see you until dinner."

"Guess not," he said, knowing he should let her get into her car but not wanting the evening to end, lest it all be a dream.

"Call me when you know what time you'll be over," she said, just wanting to say something to prolong the conversation.

"Sure," he replied, "Now, go home..."

"Goodnight, Harm," she said leaning in and kissing his cheek. "Thank you for tonight."

"Thank you too," he said, returning her kiss and delighting in the sensation of his lips on her skin. "Sleep well."

On Friday evening's drive home, Mac contemplated what she would wear for her 'date' with Harm. She knew that this was more of a date than just friends catching up but her head and her heart were still in dispute about just exactly what it all meant. Thinking semi-casual, she considered wearing her black slacks and delicately soft white cashmere sweater. The sweater was one you couldn't help but touch and she figured Harm might enjoy it. Then she thought that it might look like she was trying too hard and that her blue jeans and long sleeved emerald tee might be better.

By the time Harm arrived, Mac was in a purple towelling robe with nothing under it. While her drive home had been in relatively dry conditions, a deluge of icy rain had seen her drenched to the skin and she had opted for a quick shower to warm up, trusting Harm to be running at least marginally late.

However, Harm was early and couldn't help but grin when she opened the door in her robe, a pink towel draped over one shoulder.

"You're early!" she said, stepping aside and pulling her robe a little tighter.

"Only by fifteen minutes," he replied, entering the apartment and removing his coat. "I didn't realise it was going to be such a casual affair," he added with a laugh.

Mac looked him up and down; blue jeans, a white button-down shirt, and navy sports jacket looked heavenly on him. Trying hard to hide his amusement at Mac's expression, Harm waited for Mac's appreciative eyes to find his once more.

"Although I have absolutely no objection to what you're wearing now," he began, "I can order our usual if you want to ..."

"Do you remember what our usual is?" she asked as she stepped towards the bedroom.

"Definitely," he said with a nod. "Chinese, 12, 26, 31 and 2 serves of 50, 52 and 57?"

"That's it," she replied before going to get dressed.

Long after dinner was finished and the movie was done, Harm and Mac still sat snuggled together on the sofa in the glow of the fire. Both were asleep, neither seeing the end of the movie. Mac had fallen asleep first and Harm had pulled the red afghan from the back of the sofa and covered her before joining her in slumber.

It had gone three before she stirred and realised what had happened. Sleepily she smiled before looking up at Harm.

"Hey," he whispered, leaning down and kissing her forehead.

"Hey," she replied. "Sorry, I wasn't much company."

"On the contrary," he said. "This is the best night I've had in a long time...well, aside from last night."

"Even though I was asleep?" she questioned, turning in his arms.

"As I said to you in my loft, just being with you, near you, does wonders for me," he said, kissing her forehead once more.

"Me too," she concurred. "I slept far better in your arms in the last few hours than I have in a long time..." she added wistfully. "A long, long time."

"Maybe we should make it a regular thing," he said, not wanting to be too pushy but not wanting to wait any longer.

"Maybe we should make it a horizontal thing," she replied and Harm's eyebrows shot up. "Well, what I meant is..."

"No need to explain," he said with a grin.

Mac drew a deep breath and decided that she had spent too long being cautious and distancing herself from the man in front of her.

"I think I do," she said, kneeling up beside him. "For tonight, the horizontal thing ...I think it should just be about sleep. I want more with you...much more...but we've only just ..."

"I know," he said, wrapping his arm around her waist. "Making love with you is definitely something I want to do...and soon...but rushing into things isn't the best idea, is it?"

"I think we're both coming out of this melancholy and I don't want either of us to be doing this for the wrong reason," she said, linking her arms around his neck.

"I don't think the reason would be wrong but I do understand," he replied. "Right now, I think we spend time getting reacquainted ... rekindling our friendship...revitalising ourselves..."

"So, lots of time hanging out together?" she said and Harm nodded. "Dating?" she added and Harm nodded once more. "Sounds like a good plan."

"Definitely," he agreed with a yawn.

"Ready to come sleep with me?" she asked standing up and offering Harm her hand.

"Oh yeah," he said honestly. While he couldn't wait for this relationship to become a sexual one, he knew it would have to wait. His mother had had a saying, 'If you always do what you've always done, you always get what you have always got'. All too often sex had been the sole basis of relationships for him and they had never lasted. This time he would do things very differently and, he prayed, this was the relationship that would last forever.

"You've gone quiet," she observed as she led him to her room. "You okay?"

"I am absolutely perfect," he replied before gently kissing her.

Dawn had long broken when the pair finally awoke, the dark, threatening skies of recent days had given way to blue skies and wintry sunshine.

"What are you smiling at?" Harm said when his eyes finally opened and saw Mac.

"Look outside," she said pointing to the window. "Seems we've finally come out of the gloom."

Harm nodded but his eyes never left Mac's face. He knew this woman was everything he would ever need, ever want. "Yep, definitely coming out of the gloom."


End file.
